(Not Another Realism Film)
READERS INFORMATION
(Prologue)
In the world in which Hamburgerstan exists everything except warfare is up to date in the current state of technology. This means that Hamburgerstanian’s are still fighting hand to hand with the year 1600’s swords, arrows, and other warfare helpers. The naval force is sailing with 1800’s European style ships equipped with cannon balls and plenty of archers. Each country has their own style of warfare for example, China uses long thin ships for quick speed and agility and Germany uses gorilla style warfare with axes, picks and any weapons they can find. People also think as they did in the 1600’s when it comes to warfare, they had images of conquering and leadership, example, the exploration of New France and the problems and fights it had. Hamburgerstan is not a real place and it was inspired by the teacher Mr. O’Grady. Hamburgerstan is making fun of the average Canadian or American, and the way they diet themselves. Eating like a Hamburgerstanian is not healthy.
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Who needs biographies or worse autobiographies, so uninteresting, so monotonous, so so… you’ll see.
I decided to add another autobiography to the avaricious planet we live on, Earth.
I live in the capital of Hamburgerstan, Withcheese, located just south of
Hold-the-pickles, along the river of Rootbeer. My name is Timmy Too-Tall, I am the ambassador of Brest (a small town located in France). I moved to Hamburgerstan shortly after the marriage to my forever dissatisfied wife, Susie Too-Tall. She was unhappy in our current location of living, Brest, located south of Whiteknife (formed after the union of Whitehorse and Yellowknife in 2023). It took 20 days to travel to Hamburgerstan by carriage, especially when carrying a mascot playing the baritone. We were sworn in to the country after reciting the Hamburgerstanian code of living.
HAMBURGERSTANIAN CODE OF LIVING
“ My name is (place name here), I will live in a hole and abide by the rules of the Grand high man/women/hippopotamus. I will be kind to all and eat lots of red meat at fast food restaurants. Every year on the third day to the end of month of March I will participate in a snake whacking and join the festivities at the end of the day. I will allow the Hamburgerstanian police to examine the cleanliness of my house every full moon. I will not milk other people’s goats unless they say otherwise. Children under the age of twenty will attend educating facilities twice a week for eight months a year. I will not have any personal belongings unless they are for personal hygiene, goats, or they are registered under the official government of Hamburgerstan. I am proud to be a Hamburgerstanian.”
My wife died shortly after the invigorating trip to Hamburgerstan through harsh lands. I knew we should have just taken the car but I wanted some sort of adventure in preparation of my inexperienced life. We moved to Hamburgerstan for the adventure.
My first day into my new hole on top of Mount dew. I was wife less, life less and Stegosaurus less, well I guess I can leave out the last one, but I decided to join the army of Hamburgerstan. I was assigned to the regiment 143 as high leader because of my past experience, working at Burger King and McDonalds. The fellow
Hamburgerstanian’s greeted me into the army willingly and joyfully. I was told by Mark, the ruler of Hamburgerstan, that I would move my men into Quebec and take it over at 3-00. After that Mark told me to have my men to build fortified walls all around the borders and to send out talkers to try and get as much help from the Canadians as he or she can get. We sailed up the St. Lawrence and landed right in Quebec City and took it over with out shedding any blood. I left enough men and supporters to safely guard Quebec city, then about two hundred boats sailed down to Montreal and captured that. Spending the night there, we continued on into Ottawa, leaving about twenty-five ship loads of men. There we were joined by about one thousand men and five hundred boats and the country of Canada. We promised Canada that there would be no change in them besides that Manitoba must be given up for the living of Hamburgerstanian army’s. We moved troops of our men and Canadians to the borders. I suspect that America imagines that something will happen but for the time being, nothing will go on. I traveled back to Withcheese, Hamburgerstan, with a couple of my war buddies. The people loved me when I was back home, they treated me as a god. I was summoned to see the highest of them all, Mark. At my meeting of Mark, he told me of the great things he’s seen and done and he said that I was much like him, with good leadership and that was enough for him. I was to become new high commander of Hamburgerstan. First act as high commander, I was going to take over Panama to allow us the controlling of Central America and South America. I called upon the new general of arms, Andrew. I told him to get ready for a full blown attack on Panama at 5-00.
LAWS OF HAMBURGERSTAN
THE HISTORY OF HAMBURGERSTAN
Hamburgerstan was originated in 1529 by the fast food industry to promote the fast food people. The founder of Hamburgerstan was a man named Marshall, he had a dream of a land that was free and fun and everyone was as elegant as the rest. The imaginative Marshall formed an army of mercenaries imported from Switzerland and Germany. They took over Turkey, in 1529 when the Ottomans were trying to take over Europe through Austria, forming a new colony. After bordering the new country with small forces of men and stone walls they moved on to be the only republic in the world to own two different countries spread so far apart, after taking over Afghanistan in 1800’s. They blamed the take over of Afghanistan on the British and they where successful. Years past and Hamburgerstan gained a reputation and respect from places around the world. Many countries started to fear Hamburgerstan so instead of fighting them they allied with them. Hamburgerstan gained many allies but one of the most important allies they gained was Canada in 2024. Having Canada as a friend wasn’t easily obtained, they had to fight them, until taking over the parliament buildings they allied with us. Over the years Hamburgerstan has gained a great economical stature, in fact the Hamburgerstanian dollar is worth more then the American dollar. The army of Hamburgerstan has grown to an amazing size of three million and is one of the most technologically advanced countries. Hamburgerstan is trade partners with many places, mostly exporting there own goods. The current population is one billion seven million. The literacy rate in Hamburgerstan ninety-nine point nine percent.
PUNISHMENT
The punishment for breaking the law in Hamburgerstan is broken down into three different offences. The first offence is breaking a minor law in which the police officer decides what will happen to you. He will ether destroy your magic carpet, burn your coat, or expel you from any fast food restaurant for one month. A second degree offence is an automatic night in jail and expulsion from red meat for three months and your coat burned. A third degree offense is jail for one month, no fast food for three years, a fine of one hundred thousand dollars, and burning of your coat. Death comes to the offender of this last rule. Anyone over the eighty-five…bang. Anyone with an incurable disease…bang. Anyone that takes another’s life…bang bang, burning of coat.
